It's Time

Hello my friends,

It's amazing how it has been almost a whole year since I've last written something. I figured it's a good time to come back and say hi. I hope you're all doing well and having a great weekend. As for me, I'm home, sitting on my bed with my hair tied back (the little I manage with my new haircut!) and a bare, makeup-less face.

What am I doing spending a lovely Saturday morning indoors? Well, I actually have a day off and I honestly have no problem spending the day in because sometimes you just need time to yourself and relax a bit.

I have also been doing a lot of thinking recently. I have been wanting to get back to this blog for ages now, but I am always so scared because I tend to start things and never actually continue or finish whatever it may be. I too, am afraid of publishing anything publicly. If you know me through Facebook, you may notice that I do not post often. I admit my life is not that interesting, but it doesn't hurt to post a little quote or selfie here and there, I guess.

Sometimes, people like me who seem to be very quiet, are the ones who actually have a lot to say and share. I wish so many things, but the fear of facing certain challenges scares me off. I spend quite a good amount of time writing in my diary everyday - or rather - diaries. I keep a small one to write something in about how my day went and another few where I tend to get a little more deep and write about life and so on.

Looking through my diary, from about the year 2014, I'm shocked at how much things have changed. It is nice to get to read over all the memories again, but it can also be very emotional. I am the type of person who would get emotional over the tiniest thing, but when reading or talking about my own life, that is definitely the worst.

I have now decided to focus on happier things and write down only good things that happen - perhaps take the initiative and actually make them happen, instead of waiting. I know that I used to enjoy writing in my little blog and reading lovely comments from everyone. I feel that I am able to open up and everyone will get to know a little more about me.

Let's start step by step. Everything takes time.

Until my next blog post - STAY POSITIVE!

Have a great weekend!

Norma xx

Being Different

Gooooood morning!

Hope everyone's doing well.

Today's another one of my days off (as I usually work on weekends and public holidays). Recently I've been thinking about many things which have been repeating themselves ever since I was young. So I figured it's time to make my story public and let people know what I think. 

I have a feeling many of you could relate to such situations.

Let's begin.

Things had started from primary school onwards.

Whenever I tried joining a group of classmates during break-time to play a game with them, they would just look at each other and laugh. They would call me nasty names, knowing that I wouldn't dare to reply, they'd just continue till I'd eventually walk off.

During gym class, the teacher would ask us to pair up in groups of two. Though I'd always end up partnering up with the teacher herself as nobody would want to pair up with the 'uncool kid'. I also remember when the teacher chose students at random to create a group to work on a project together. She had taken care of the toughest job for me as nobody would want to work with me. Although, the minute the group was made, the students I was with, began to grumble;

"Ugh great, I'm with her."

It wasn't the first time that I tried to speak to them, though they would never give me a reply. Another time, we had to change our places in class and the same story repeated itself - the girl was grumbling because she had to sit next to me, the English speaking weirdo. This time, I went to speak to the teacher and she changed her place. All the teachers seemed to notice the same things as I did.

I had become so conscious thinking that maybe I had a bad smell on me or maybe I had accidentally dropped something on me but hadn't noticed.. Though that didn't seem to be the problem,

The problem was that I was different.

Different.. 

Till this day, I still get picked on. I still notice people giving strange facial expressions to each other and laughing at me. Yes, I may be a quiet person, I may prefer speaking in English,

but,

Everyone is different. Someone may prefer to wear different types of clothing that isn't of someone else's style. Someone may have a hobby that perhaps not many people seem to have.

So what?

Don't judge. Everyone is enjoying what they love to do. Let them be themselves. Let people live their life the way they want.

You got your life, so live it the way you want to.

Don't live for the sake of satisfying others,

do it for yourself and make yourself happy.

Now, go out there and SMILE! Be happy to be who you are, regardless of what people say.

Remember, it's YOUR life.

Norma x

You Learn From Your Mistakes

Mondays! We all love Mondays, am I right? Probably not.

Most of us probably had a relaxing weekend, but for some people Mondays can be just another day as not everyone has the weekend off. Anyway, It's a fresh week! Hope you're all having a good day with a nice cup - or should I say - massive - mug of coffee helping you through the day.

As for me, I've been ill for the past week. However, in these past couple of days it got worse. Last Saturday I was feeling so light headed at work - we were so terribly busy and that didn't help at all. Yesterday, I spent the whole day in bed and today - well, same story.

This means I'm spending more time at home, which also means more time to think and reflect about things that have been happening recently. Like those life decisions we make when we'd be in the shower or in the car listening to some sort of slow music, dramatically looking out the window - you get what I mean! I'd assume that a lot of us right now are currently thinking about school or trying to think of the best ways to enjoy the last few weeks of summer..

I am also thinking the same and I am honestly so excited to start school! I feel that this time I am actually going to like my new course and am determined to stay till the end (as I had already quit half way through in 2 or 3 courses before).

Although, what has been really going through my head, is what has currently been happening - something I've experienced.. Something that really surprised me in the beginning, then had eventually become my 'happy place' until it finally proved me wrong and literally destroyed me.

As I had mentioned before, of course I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them. I love hearing about people's life experiences and become so inspired by many. They always encourage me to live my life better just by listening to their stories.

Though not long ago, I met this person who I never thought I'd even say "Hello" to as they gave off quite a negative vibe, until one day they actually came up to me themselves and I was so shocked. We eventually began to talk and I started feeling so happy that I had finally found someone who understands me and just makes me feel so comfortable that I could literally say anything to. This person inspired me so much and made me change my view on life - in a better way.

I began thinking about how sudden this all happened. Thinking that maybe, somehow, it could be a sign and how amazing it would be if this friendship grew stronger..

My expectations were sky high.

After a few days, I noticed we weren't keeping in touch as much as we were. I was starting to get worried. What could have happened? Did I do something wrong? Did I say something wrong? What is it? Maybe it's another sign.. Although if it were, it isn't a good one.

I then received a text.

I felt sick to my stomach, slowly registering what I had just read, over and over, I realised then that it was all too good to be true. My expectations were obviously too high. This person just didn't want to build a friendship like I did. Not only was I disappointed about what happened, but I was also disappointed in myself - I just made this person my only 'happy place' and it just broke me down. I didn't know what else to do. I was hurt. I made myself so vulnerable, falling into a little trap. I wasn't myself for the next few days. I wasn't smiling - nothing. I was afraid of going through the same thing again but with someone else. I was completely avoiding everyone.

It hasn't been long since this has happened, but I am feeling slightly better as I am looking at this in a positive way. I know it has been a really sad experience but it has taught me a lesson - one that can prepare me for the future. I've learnt that we shouldn't rush, overthink or become too attached so quickly - it's always better to have low expectations, you'll be less likely to end up disappointed. Lastly, don't assume that everyone will treat you the same way. Don't think that after one bad experience, you won't make any new, good friends. You just have to be careful. Be careful about what you say - and when you say it. Make sure you know the person well enough before you share anything personal.

I believe that everything happens for a reason - whether it may be a bad or a good experience, you'll learn from it either way and don't regret anything.

Norma.. x